p.o. box 2001
new york, ny 10108
Dear Sirs:
Upon turning on my television for the first time this summer I was shocked to see that your popular television program “The Real World” was not currently on the air. I have come here to spit in your face in defiance and lay my insulted body between this noble show and the figurative bulldozer that you and the rest of your corporate buffoons plan to launch upon it.
You say that there must be seasons in which certain shows do not run for the sake of production, but I find this reasoning to be skewed, unacceptable, and particularly ugly. How difficult can it honestly be to shove 7 strangers into a modern dwelling and press the “record” button on one of your video devices? How excruciatingly painful is it to take less than 6 months to do this? It is my firm belief that any quality soap dish of moderate size could perform the aforementioned task if presented with the appropriate materials, which I'm sure a rather large network such of yourself is capable of providing. If you honestly feel you cannot produce a season of “The Real World” in under half a year, then I would urge you to deliver the creative opportunity to the soap dish, which, I might add, can be found at any Bed Bath and Beyond or Linens N' Things in the bathroom accessories department.
Now that we have settled the issue of the producer, I might say something of the cast of this newly redesigned “The Real World”. I am disgusted by the young, corrupted offenses against good taste who attempt to act as civilized, refined human beings who have previously starred in your show. To see them squabbling over milk or sexual relations or whatever they choose to stupidly humor themselves with is not entertaining, nor is it conducive to a stable society. The general public, I can assure you, is in need of deep psychological discussion such as the dispute over dial-up internet connection versus the pricey, petty opulence of cable connection. I demand persons capable of such expostulation. I believe you can find such individuals in universities, in office max fan clubs, or in employment at any state DMV.
Now that I have outlined the expected results, I might indulge myself to add one more comment that is less germane to the issue at hand. I am nauseated by the fact that “The Real World” has disappeared from the channel and yet its ghastly mockery of a counterpart, Road Rules, plays on. The producers of this show should be thrashed and then impaled upon the cheap fountain pen they used to write such appalling feculence.
Sincerely Yours,
Ivory
