Today a member of the high council came to talk to me. Even though I knew I wasn’t in trouble or anything silly like that, it still makes any Latter Day Saint nervous to get a call from a high councilman and schedule an appointment. The good news is that I’m not getting excommunicated for having a love affair with shoes. The even better news is that I’ve been asked to serve as a counselor for mutual for the handicapped. The bad news is that the bat has developed an obnoxious 150-decibel snore. But I shan’t be distracted: I’m very excited about this calling.

I will pick up a handicapped young woman and spend time with her throughout the activity every Thursday. I think it’s a great opportunity and I’m very thankful for the calling. Hopefully it will dampen my pessimism and the hopeless depression I fall into every now and then. In my mind there is none more innocent than the people I’ll be serving and I hope that I can make a difference in the lives of the girls I’ll be with. They are such sweet teachers, and I am so grateful for this opportunity.

And oh yes, the snore. A chart, if you will:

Points of Reference *measured in dBA or decibels

· 40 quiet office, library
· 50 large office
· 65 - 95 power lawn mower
· 80 manual machine, tools
· 85 handsaw
· 90 tractor
· 90 - 115 subway
· 95 electric drill
· 100 factory machinery
· 100 woodworking class
· 105 snow blower
· 110 power saw
· 110 leafblower
· 120 chain saw, hammer on nail
· 120 pneumatic drills, heavy machine
· 120 jet plane (at ramp)
· 120 ambulance siren
· 125 chain saw
· 130 jackhammer, power drill
· 130 air raid
· 130 percussion section at symphony
· 135 The sound erupting from the bat’s drooping mouth during REM
· 140 airplane taking off
· 150 jet engine taking off
· 150 artillery fire at 500 feet
· 180 rocket launching from pad