Thursday, February 24, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I woke today at 9:30 when the sun had already risen and filled the sky with a monotonous light.
Though I do not work today I try my best to keep busy. I walk to the store to get a couple items, and come home to work out thoroughly. The sun blinds me as I surface to the living room and I decide to take advantage of the 68 degree weather and lay out for a couple hours. I shower, allowing, almost forcing myself to every bath luxury so that the clock will read four when I finish. After I cleanse, exfoliate, and moisturize the sun shows signs of setting.
I look back to see a lax day that I neither needed or wanted. I would have been happy working; I absolutely love my job. But I have to be chauffeured everywhere I go, so staying happily occupied is quite a feat when nobody is home. I am thrilled, however, to find myself excited to go into work and make money. It makes me think that a modest apartment truly isn't out of reach.
On the 27th I'm flying back to Utah to get my license. Here the law requires that you must have your permit for 6 months before testing for a license, so I'm going to go back and just get it there.
I don't want to wait until I come back to buckle down and start my life. I understand the delay and realize there is little I can do, but there is a part of me that fears I will always be waiting with one excuse or another, and that one day I'll look back to see a life that was wasted on unfulfilled possibility and rationalizations. I feel my idleness cloud my mind, I find myself without desire or ability to write. Even though I've been extraordinarily diligent in my eating habits I find the craving for needless food arising more and more frequently. While enjoying the few intelligent conversations I encounter I realize that I stumble, searching for the words I once used daily. I wake up in the morning only to discover that my mind has been sleeping for days.
I am not completely dispirited, however. I am becoming an extremely well disciplined individual. I hop on the elliptical and make my self run for 65 consecutive minutes. I have stopped stuffing myself. I only watch TV when I exercise. My less than productive state worries me, but it is simply another step towards progression. You see: I am writing again. Soon you will see the optimism that has slowly started to appear in my mentality. I hope to become a less complacent person. I will force high expectations upon myself.
I look up to see an explosive orange sun on the edge of the horizon, ready to dive behind the rolling hills. The vibrancy and the color startle me, and I consider sprinting to observatory drive to watch the bursting sky dim.
I think I will. Just take note, dearest reader, that even the most empty of days can end beautifully.
Though I do not work today I try my best to keep busy. I walk to the store to get a couple items, and come home to work out thoroughly. The sun blinds me as I surface to the living room and I decide to take advantage of the 68 degree weather and lay out for a couple hours. I shower, allowing, almost forcing myself to every bath luxury so that the clock will read four when I finish. After I cleanse, exfoliate, and moisturize the sun shows signs of setting.
I look back to see a lax day that I neither needed or wanted. I would have been happy working; I absolutely love my job. But I have to be chauffeured everywhere I go, so staying happily occupied is quite a feat when nobody is home. I am thrilled, however, to find myself excited to go into work and make money. It makes me think that a modest apartment truly isn't out of reach.
On the 27th I'm flying back to Utah to get my license. Here the law requires that you must have your permit for 6 months before testing for a license, so I'm going to go back and just get it there.
I don't want to wait until I come back to buckle down and start my life. I understand the delay and realize there is little I can do, but there is a part of me that fears I will always be waiting with one excuse or another, and that one day I'll look back to see a life that was wasted on unfulfilled possibility and rationalizations. I feel my idleness cloud my mind, I find myself without desire or ability to write. Even though I've been extraordinarily diligent in my eating habits I find the craving for needless food arising more and more frequently. While enjoying the few intelligent conversations I encounter I realize that I stumble, searching for the words I once used daily. I wake up in the morning only to discover that my mind has been sleeping for days.
I am not completely dispirited, however. I am becoming an extremely well disciplined individual. I hop on the elliptical and make my self run for 65 consecutive minutes. I have stopped stuffing myself. I only watch TV when I exercise. My less than productive state worries me, but it is simply another step towards progression. You see: I am writing again. Soon you will see the optimism that has slowly started to appear in my mentality. I hope to become a less complacent person. I will force high expectations upon myself.
I look up to see an explosive orange sun on the edge of the horizon, ready to dive behind the rolling hills. The vibrancy and the color startle me, and I consider sprinting to observatory drive to watch the bursting sky dim.
I think I will. Just take note, dearest reader, that even the most empty of days can end beautifully.
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