I have so many things to say that I don’t know how to go about saying them. I’ve never felt so miserable in my life, and this misery manifests itself in a sluggishness that further encourages my depression. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do, and every time I sit down to write about my confusion I just feel an unyielding desire to sleep. I am impatient and frustrated with everyone in my life, with the exception of Bryan and my mother. I don’t want to say goodbye to Bryan, I don’t want to unpack my things, I don’t want to go to Michigan. I want nothing other than to cry myself to a dreamless, thoughtless sleep. Even though sleep is my only solace, I am terrified I will reach for his arm while lost in my dormancy, wishing to be held, just to wake and find that I am alone on a couch and not in my bed with him.
I didn’t know I would miss him this much.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Rachael (interior monologue): “And I’ll just pop out that gradient there a bit, just to highlight the edge of the side window...”
Computer: “You want to use a WHAT size brush after running photoshop and illustrator simultaneously for nine hours straight? Cute, real cute.”
Rachael: “There we go...”
Computer: “What did I tell you? What do I ever tell you? Why don’t you ever listen? We play this game all the time, I have to crash on you, and then all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. Just, just chill. Surf the web for a while, why don’t you? Read some gossip, god, FACEBOOK if you have to, just give the massive aps a break.”
Rachael: “And that overlay is looking a bit much, I’ll just knock it down a bit...”
Computer: “YOU CRAZY BITCH! I will crash on yo’ ass so fast you won’t know what hit you OR your cartoonish, sophomoric rendering!”
Rachael: “This rendering is looking awesome. I am a badass.”
Computer: “...”
Rachael: “Maybe just a bit more shadow...”
Computer: *bipzewwww…*
Rachael: “Fuck! NO!! God no! You piece of shit! FUCK!!! ...
Computer: ...
Rachael: “... This must be karmic retribution for picking all of the raspberries out of the fruit salad Cindy made this afternoon.”
Computer: “GOOD GOD YOU’RE DUMB!”
Computer: “You want to use a WHAT size brush after running photoshop and illustrator simultaneously for nine hours straight? Cute, real cute.”
Rachael: “There we go...”
Computer: “What did I tell you? What do I ever tell you? Why don’t you ever listen? We play this game all the time, I have to crash on you, and then all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. Just, just chill. Surf the web for a while, why don’t you? Read some gossip, god, FACEBOOK if you have to, just give the massive aps a break.”
Rachael: “And that overlay is looking a bit much, I’ll just knock it down a bit...”
Computer: “YOU CRAZY BITCH! I will crash on yo’ ass so fast you won’t know what hit you OR your cartoonish, sophomoric rendering!”
Rachael: “This rendering is looking awesome. I am a badass.”
Computer: “...”
Rachael: “Maybe just a bit more shadow...”
Computer: *bipzewwww…*
Rachael: “Fuck! NO!! God no! You piece of shit! FUCK!!! ...
Computer: ...
Rachael: “... This must be karmic retribution for picking all of the raspberries out of the fruit salad Cindy made this afternoon.”
Computer: “GOOD GOD YOU’RE DUMB!”
Big news: after a quarter of waiting and fretting, my day has come. I can finally sigh, wipe the perspiration from my forehead and neglect my schoolwork with an ounce of validation. I got my first co-op.
Come March 31 I will be an official employee of Whirlpool’s platform studio.
I was offered my co-op later in the quarter than some. The pressure grew even more unbearable with every student that found a job; I was beginning to doubt my talent and my ability. The apprehension caused many people to jump at the first job they were offered. Luckily enough, I was offered two of the best co-ops at the same time: Whirlpool and New Balance. Not only did I score an awesome co-op, but I managed to land two of the best available to sophomores. The humility gained during the past couple of months melted away in an instant. I am, once again, the unbearably arrogant yet awesome person you all knew and loved previously, now complete with my first design job.
The decision between Whirlpool and New Balance was a tough one, even though I would love to do appliances and have no interest in shoes; Whirlpool pays for housing in Benton Harbor, Michigan, whereas I would be left to my own devices when working for New Balance in Boston, New Balance, however, is located in Boston as opposed to Benton Harbor, Michigan. Some could say that New Balance holds more prestige than Whirlpool, but Whirlpool offers the type of design work I’m looking for. The scales were even until I remembered that Whirlpool throws a free Kitchen Aid stand mixer into the deal. To Whirlpool I go. I am thrilled, and currently feeling like quite the badass.
An appliance-designing badass, that is.
More later when I’m not quite as tired.
Come March 31 I will be an official employee of Whirlpool’s platform studio.
I was offered my co-op later in the quarter than some. The pressure grew even more unbearable with every student that found a job; I was beginning to doubt my talent and my ability. The apprehension caused many people to jump at the first job they were offered. Luckily enough, I was offered two of the best co-ops at the same time: Whirlpool and New Balance. Not only did I score an awesome co-op, but I managed to land two of the best available to sophomores. The humility gained during the past couple of months melted away in an instant. I am, once again, the unbearably arrogant yet awesome person you all knew and loved previously, now complete with my first design job.
The decision between Whirlpool and New Balance was a tough one, even though I would love to do appliances and have no interest in shoes; Whirlpool pays for housing in Benton Harbor, Michigan, whereas I would be left to my own devices when working for New Balance in Boston, New Balance, however, is located in Boston as opposed to Benton Harbor, Michigan. Some could say that New Balance holds more prestige than Whirlpool, but Whirlpool offers the type of design work I’m looking for. The scales were even until I remembered that Whirlpool throws a free Kitchen Aid stand mixer into the deal. To Whirlpool I go. I am thrilled, and currently feeling like quite the badass.
An appliance-designing badass, that is.
More later when I’m not quite as tired.
Friday, March 07, 2008
"I hope I didn't bring up a sensitive subject when I mentioned Barb earlier today."
"What?" My father asked me, somewhat confused. The girlfriend of Cindy's 20 year old son, Austin, had delivered a baby the previous Sunday. Family relations are messy at this point, and by messy I mean that they put episodes of Jerry Springer to shame. All the same, a baby had been delivered, Cindy had become a grandmother -I suppose we can suspend that statement until the paternity tests have been taken care of- I felt it appropriate to inquire after the health of the parents and child.
"Today, when I mentioned Barb's delivery. She looked downright pissed, to be honest."
"Oh the baby! No, not at all. She is absolutely twitterpated with that child, through and through. Absolutely beautiful baby girl."
"Have you seen the baby?"
"No!" He barked. "I don't trust them."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Nothing like a baby to make blubbering idiots out of otherwise sane people," he explained.
"What?" My father asked me, somewhat confused. The girlfriend of Cindy's 20 year old son, Austin, had delivered a baby the previous Sunday. Family relations are messy at this point, and by messy I mean that they put episodes of Jerry Springer to shame. All the same, a baby had been delivered, Cindy had become a grandmother -I suppose we can suspend that statement until the paternity tests have been taken care of- I felt it appropriate to inquire after the health of the parents and child.
"Today, when I mentioned Barb's delivery. She looked downright pissed, to be honest."
"Oh the baby! No, not at all. She is absolutely twitterpated with that child, through and through. Absolutely beautiful baby girl."
"Have you seen the baby?"
"No!" He barked. "I don't trust them."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Nothing like a baby to make blubbering idiots out of otherwise sane people," he explained.
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