I have so many things to say that I don’t know how to go about saying them. I’ve never felt so miserable in my life, and this misery manifests itself in a sluggishness that further encourages my depression. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do, and every time I sit down to write about my confusion I just feel an unyielding desire to sleep. I am impatient and frustrated with everyone in my life, with the exception of Bryan and my mother. I don’t want to say goodbye to Bryan, I don’t want to unpack my things, I don’t want to go to Michigan. I want nothing other than to cry myself to a dreamless, thoughtless sleep. Even though sleep is my only solace, I am terrified I will reach for his arm while lost in my dormancy, wishing to be held, just to wake and find that I am alone on a couch and not in my bed with him.

I didn’t know I would miss him this much.