The Book of the Anti-Lowi-Acedemia-ightes

Chapter 1
composing verses 1-15 exclusive

1.In the 16th year of the reign of the judges it came to pass that there dwelt a fair maiden beyond the hills in the land of Salty Mc Salt Salt. The maiden was exceedingly fair and bright, yea, a maiden of only 10 and 6 years, yea, a searcher and a doer of all things beautiful and right.
2.But she was one of eagerness, yea, filled with the desire to rush, and it came to pass that patience was not a virtue known unto her.
3.She dwelt in the land of Salty Mc Salt Salt, however, where public education was a thing of ugliness, and of sin, and of low budget.
4.She said unto her mother “Yea, I shall leave this perdition in which I must stay, and I will wander yon over the hills to the glowing white town of UniversityofUtah. But I must first complete my journey in the smelly black pit of high school first, and labor towards a diploma of light and truth.”
5.And it came to pass that the fair maiden labored all of her days to achieve that which was desired by her and trialed and worked until sweat covered her brow, and her hands were black and scarred.
6.She journeyed to her school counselors, yea, even the evil, idolatrous Pharisees of Academics, and they said unto her: “You cannot leave this place, you must stay.
7.For behold, we find you to be lacking one half of a credit of the electives, and for this iniquitous technicality we shall bind you, and torture you in the smelly black pit until the moon has risen and fallen in all of it’s luminescent fullness 12 times.
8.And it came to pass that the fair maiden did rent her clothes.
9.But she did it in private, mind you, for she was modest and genteel.
10.And now, seeing the horror that laid before her, she did journey to the house of her mother after putting on modest, unrent clothing and did weep.
11.And she also knowing the wisdom of her gentle mother, she did ask for aid and did pray undo the mighty Lord.
12.And it came to pass that the Lord did open up the heavens, and did pour his love down upon the fair maiden in the form of a Clep test, which is native to the glowing white town of UniversityofUtah.
13.The fair maiden did take the test, and did pass with flowing colors of red and silver and a tad of pink, and she did obtain not one half of a credit of the electives, but one full credit of the electives.
14.And there was much rejoicing.
15.And the fair maiden did journey to the glowing white town of UniversityofUtah, and yea, did stay there for two years until the 19th year of the reign of the judges. And she dwelt in righteousness, and happiness for the remainder of her years.