I’ve done it! I hit the big number 3 approximately an hour and a half ago! It feels pretty good to be on the Salt Lake City runaway list for the third time running, and I think I’m aiming for 5, it sounds like a nice number. It only took me an hour this time, too. Honestly. I walked home from the passport office after mum and I got in a tiff, I arrive safely home less than an hour later, and I’m a runaway! It’s my record. Do you think I could do it in half an hour? I don’t know if I’m that good…

Yes. So I would like to officially tell all that I have just experienced the worst birthday ever. Well, it’s only 5:30, so I suppose it’s bound to get progressively worse. The good news: I was accepted into the University of Utah although I don’t yet have my high school diploma (don’t even begin to start asking me how that works out; I’m afraid I have no idea, I’m just viewing it as a wonderful mystery.) Bad news: I haven’t done anything all day but run around while simultaneously bickering with my mother and I have yet to really accomplish anything.

If a drank, this would be a night when I would go get myself sloshed and wake up half a week later in Reno, and never be bothered by this wretched day again because I would be incapable of remembering it. But I don’t, so I’ll just have to guzzle my premium orange juice and ask Maile to hook me up with some quality catnip.

Not really. What I’m really going to do is begrudgingly attend my family birthday party, act positive and happy like a good girl, and thank every deity known to man for Maile’s presence.

Bah! Birthdays are such folly!

Birthdays are malevolent because of the following bitter reasons:

· They remind one that he or she is, indeed, one year closer to his or her imminent death. For older women this is especially disturbing, but it applies to all age groups. It also reminds them of how extraordinarily little they managed to accomplish in 365 days, therefore robbing life of all point and purpose.
· It forces one to spend more time than normal with one’s family. For some this is enjoyable, but these people are simply incurably insane. Perhaps get-togethers are pleasant in some families, but mine is dysfunctional and confrontational, so there is always fighting whether or not I am a part of it or the cause of it.
· It raises one’s expectations for the day and therefore creates a breeding ground for disappointment. Birthdays are supposed to be “special”, so the daily routine will not satisfy. Because of this, one tries to organize some fancy-to-do that never goes as planned, and feeds the monstrous disappointment that cannot be escaped or avoided.
· It reminds you how many acquaintances would forget your birthday, because they do. This doesn’t really matter to most; it merely serves as yet another kick up the already sore backside.

I believe that we should abolish birthdays! Maybe I can start picketing at my party tonight, wave a banner and everything.

On the upside, however, Carter called me up while I was with the architectural chair and sang happy birthday to me. I was surprised and he really made my day until my mother succeeded in ruining it for the second time 20 minutes later. Many other people called while I was sitting with my advisor, but I was really happy to hear from Carter. He is adorable. Props to you, darling, it was quite the considerate and sweet thing to do.

I must go prepare for my party. Oh, how terrible that one should dread a party thrown in her honor!