Oh my. I am so very frustrated. So very. The reason is as follows:

Last night Elisse spent the night at my house. We had a splendid time, how I adore that girl! She picked me up from work, we went to emigration and then to Wendy’s. After ascertaining the best and finest grease-slabbed victuals available we went to Uintah elementary school and ate the food, dumped the remains and other trash in the parking lot and drove off. I had a corking time, really.
We watched batman, went to sleep, woke up. We decided to write Rob, and spent the remainder of the afternoon making stamps out of potatoes. (don’t ask- mum’s from Texas, you see…) At approximately 11:41 I get a message from carter:

“Melissa just asked me out…Whoh…Weird”

Alright….What does one say when their boyfriend sends them a text like this? I suppose the possibilities are endless, but honestly, what does one say? Can I be serious about this, truly, can I? Do I remind him “You’re talking to your girlfriend, halfwit.” or what? I decided that the best approach is a comical one, since the question was somewhat lacking in tact. So, I respond, while laughing ferociously with Elisse:

“Go for it! Score!!!”

To be honest, it sounded like a good response at the time. Well, it sounded funny at the very least. I sent this at 11:43. At 11:48, a good 5 minutes later I get:

“Huh?”

I was so very tickled by this. I had to pursue it, honestly I did:

“Take one for the team, my man!”

3 minutes later my phones rings and I pick it up to see:

“Who is this? And where is my girlfriend?” written on the face of my phone. I laugh about this and continue my endeavor to embellish my potato-stamp.

Well, it turns out that a girl asked him out, and upon “seeing my reaction”, he considered it. He called me during church and asked me

C: “What should I tell her?”

Me: “Who? Melissa?”

C: “Yeah”

Me: “well…you kind of have a girlfriend…”

C: “Yes I do, and that’s what I initially intended to tell her, but when you wrote what you did…”

Me (thinking): What? Do you actually think I was serious? Could you not sense the sarcastic jest in which my utterances were saturated? I thought it a given you would say no. You have a girlfriend, smart one.
Me (saying): I was kidding, Carter. Are you actually considering this?

It turns out that he was, and still is. Apparently it would be a double-date, although it initially was a one-on-one kind of deal, the kind of deals that are for SINGLE guys. Hello! Girlfriend! Carter, my love, are you listening? You have a girlfriend, silly. Granted, she didn’t want to become as such, because she doesn’t like to steady date, but she did and now you want to date Melissa?

I told him to go ahead. I am, after all, going to EFY and camp and Cincinnati and all those other fun summer things that are only truly savored if done while in single-tude. And I’m fine with this, but vexed by the fact that on Friday, less than 42 hours ago, he told me that he would love me till the day he died. We had a big long conversation about this, and he said that. He said that he loved me and that he did it completely.

Hello?!?!? Know you the definition of love? Do you, my dear?

Whatever. I’m frustrated. Are guys always this stupid? Are they always the kind of stupid that makes one want to spell it “stoooooopid” just so that the entirety of the stupidity is impressed upon the viewer completely? When you see the word “stooooooopid”, it’s impossible to doubt the stupidity. The stupidity is genuine and undamaged when represented by such spelling. That’s what this is: this incident is “stoooooopid” worthy, which is quite something to be. The stupid is all there. There’s simply not one ounce that lacks stupid, therefore the occurrence is not only stupid, but it is “stoooooopid”.

Honestly, pull yourself together, man!