Close to 11:00 PM here, and I have about 2 ½ hours to go on my project. I haven’t glanced at my physics that’s due tomorrow at midnight, and will only complete 3 prints by tomorrow while I was aiming for 4. I’m not necessarily behind; everything, even school work, is relative and in relation to the study habits of many of my peers I’m right on top of things. I’ve felt this before, however, blogging while hours of pressing homework dangerously sits in silence behind me, looming over my shadow.

I promised myself high school is over. I am not going to continue to skim by in school now that I have academic opportunities to take advantage of (or, in my case as of late [tonight] not taking advantage of them.) I’m not paying for college; I have absolutely no right whatsoever to once again acquiesce to the luscious appeal of instant gratification, especially when I’m getting by on daddy’s wallet.

This is hard though, especially when the assignment one is struggling to devote time to has no solution, no instructions, and no direction but the very vaguest. Stupid fingerprint.

Today Elisse gave me a ride to the studio and I worked, but not really. One must take advantage of witty repartee when such a delight is presented to him or her, and who am I to turn this down when a shady spot atop green grass (increasingly rare in Utah) is offered along with it? We had a wonderful conversation (or 3) that was helpful and reassuring, I doff my hat to her. So I decided that I would pack up my things and work tonight. The rest of my classmates are probably awake with me, strained with me, and probably running out of that daft black gouache paint, too.

I wouldn’t let daddy pay my tuition junior year even if he offered. At that time I would (hopefully) be in the architectural program, which would prohibit me from working at that time. (Well, since you only spend 60 hours at the studio a week while in the program, so I suppose you could work too, but just not sleep, brush hair, or hum throughout the duration of school.) And I don’t want to work now. So I must get a scholarship.

This isn’t far fetched or fallacious. I am bright. A full ride to a decent school isn’t implausible in any sense, it’s simply a matter of work. The desire to not work will be my downfall, if I do indeed fall. But I’m not going to think about that, because it scares me into not working. ;)

Well, fingerprints don’t paint themselves, and solutions that aren’t really there can’t be found on their own, you know! I must leave you now, and I leave you with the promise that if I do indeed return during an ungodly hour in order to escape my work (I consider myself much too realistic and cynical to guarantee that this will never again be the case; I know fully well that it will be) that it will be a rare occurrence indeed. My desire to create and become spectacular is too great to let myself be sloppy. And another thing: I’m arrogant as well, so success isn’t exactly an option, but my chosen path.

Elisse, darling, you feel the same way. Let’s just do our freaking work and rock this pathetic nation.