Today we found Aunt Susan’s long lost Christmas package. The dear had made us all thick flannel pajama bottoms, each in beautiful patterns. We called her to thank her and apologize for losing them.

“Susan, we love them! We’re sorry for losing them, really we are.” mum cooed into the phone as she stroked her flannel.

“We’re geese!” I yelled to Susan from across the room.

“They were beside the garage, we must not have thrown it there without looking,” mum continued.

“Useless! We’re useless!”

“But we found them, and we absolutely love them! Rob will love them. I’m glad we found them.”

“USELESS GEESE!” I bellowed.

“STOP THAT, SHE KNOWS! Anyways, Susan, here’s mom. I’ll let you talk to her. We love you so much.” Mum handed the phone to the bat.

“Susan,” the bat drawled. “I justs wanted to tell you that, you know that accident that I had with the pohlice a while back? Where they had them 5 officers at the house. Well, I can’t remember any of that, and Susan, I don’t think it was me!”

Mum and I rolled our eyes and grinned.

“And, well…what? The scratches? on my car? I think they put them there. The pohlice, Sue, I think they put them there. I don’t know, but I don’t think that was me. I can’t remember any of it, and I don’t think I would do all that damage.”

Mum sputtered and turned to the counter to begin washing it.

“I’ve been so careful with that car you gave me, Susan, and I don’t think it’s time for me to stop driving because I’ve been so careful.” The bat said three days after overdosing on Xanax and taking out numerous street signs.

“I’m such a good driver, they can’t take away my car!”

"GOOSE!"