III

So I return to the question yet again: why did the disputation of the belief structure initially presented to me require so much time to occur? Why, in all my development, all my growth, and through the many experiences I encountered did I cling to this array of ideas that I had never cared to ponder? Upon recollection, however, I recall that I have challenged these ideas, if timidly. What I found was reassurance in all that I had been taught, comfort in the reality I had been given, and reason to continue living the life I was told to live. Was this laziness, was this fear? Neither, I say. Though it seems weak for me to accept the thoughts of others as my own, it wasn't bad for me to do; simply expected. The conclusions I came to after my feeble search coincide with my state of development and my preparation for foreign and neoteric thought at the time.

I immediately viewed this negatively, and my negative thought is somewhat valid. There are too many who seize the opportunity to label themselves so as to save the trouble of thinking, who blindly follow and hollowly believe. And whereas an infant mind that blindly follows a familiar way of thought is expected, a mature mind blindly following a familiar way of thought is inadmissible. The preset beliefs that were once suitable for an individual grow antiquated as the individual ages and matures, becoming stale and serving no purpose other than to mask self inflicted ignorance. The capacities of a mentally mature individual have grown, but yet their convictions have not. They have the opportunity to cipher through what they have been taught, to dismiss the falseties and embrace the truths, yet they have not. They have abdicated the privilege of potential for quest and growth that walks hand in hand with age, and this unwillingness to utilize the vast resources at their disposal is one of the most tragic tragedies of our time.

I don't mean to say that I think following the ways of one's parents is bad, but rather I am protesting the charade of feigned convictions and misunderstood faith. Whether or not one finds factuality in the doctrine with which they were raised, belief is not belief until it has been questioned, challenged, examined, and denied all in the hope of eradicating biases and distinguishing truth.

Thus an unremitting inquisition is born, one in which one struggles to come to conclusions only to defy them moments later. It is a state of being, not a phase or merely one chapter of a person's life. I've always looked skeptically at those who set out to discover their faith, pour over books and pamphlets, summon up labeled results in their desperate need for closure and live their lives in one pattern or another from that time on. I do find the perseverance required to live by predetermined standards admirable, but disagree with this trial period of inquiry. How can one exist years and years on this planet without a single view or opinion changing? How, then, can one find a religion or a labeled way of thinking and die in that same classification decades later? As an individual progresses shouldn't one's conscience advance to higher thought as well? It is calamitous to think that one's core convictions should remain stagnant when he or she is living, breathing, learning, and transfiguring in all the ways that humans do.