“Mom, really.”

“What?” She asked, acting oblivious.

“That wasn’t necessary at all. You could have gotten that girl in trouble. You were trying to get that girl in trouble.”

“You never say ‘I don’t know’. That’s not good service. She wasn’t being helpful at all. And then she told me to walk across the store to customer service, and my feet hurt,” My mum replied as she continued to browse the shelves. I rolled my eyes. She had just been incredibly rude to a grocery store employee who couldn’t tell us where to find bean curd tofu. The employee worked in the deli.

“I know it’s not good service. You don’t have to be rude about it.” My mum turned to me and opened her mouth to retort.

“Just not very Christ-like, you know. I can’t see Jesus doing that,” I continued. God, I love it. As an atheist with no god to answer to, I have carte blanche. Holier-than-thou Mormons, however, do not. Poor gal. Rightfully, she hates it when I play this card.

She paused.

“Jesus had sandals,” she said irritably. “I’m wearing uncomfortable shoes.”